This is Part 2 of Erna Janoschek in her Own Words. Click here to begin at Part 1.
Erna’s narrative of the murder continues. We pick up on Tuesday, the day of the murder:
“Life incessantly holds surprises for us. How often circumstances arise and events culminate just opposite from the way we had expected! Contrary to my expectations, Francora seemed unusually submissive and appealing that morning. She had not forgotten the little scene the night before. Instead of continuing to play her little bad girl role, she did everything in her power to atone for her antics. Furthermore, she was astonished to see me calm, apparently oblivious, and even entertaining. If I remember rightly we played restaurant at breakfast.
“When Mrs. Liliencrantz came out for breakfast she found her tots as merry as little larks. Tee Tee sat in her buggy busily engaged clapping two lids together (a favorite pastime), while Mimi was at the game that she always chose when she was happy, running back and forth from the dining room to the kitchen with the frequent ‘Erna, what are you doing?’ while I would reply in an equally playful tone, ‘Mimi, what are you doing?’ Francora’s attitude didn’t change on the appearance of Mrs. Liliencrantz.
“She was noticeably indifferent to her mother’s good morning smile. I must confess that the apathy she displayed toward her own mother was a balsam to my spirits. I now had sufficient evidence to prove that her tantrums and capricious moods were not personally directed to me. I knew too well she loved her mother, so this morning I confirmed my lady’s ultra frequent observances, ‘Francora is such a moody child.’ Noticing I was unusually busy, Mrs. Liliencrantz proposed to bathe the babies. While Tee Tee was being ministered to, Francora, desirous again to help, wiped the silver for me.
“How easily a set mind will be swayed by circumstances! Again, I nearly resolved to try anew. When, a half hour later, I heard bellowings resounding from the bathroom I was glad. “Francora seldom even whimpered when I bathe her,” I proudly told myself. The child continued to scream, and her mother called me into the bathroom. For some unknown reason, the crying ceased the moment I entered the room, but just as I was feeling proud to be the deliverer, the little vixen commenced her howling again between the intermittent “I want my mama to dress me.” It was too plain that Mrs. Liliencrantz and I were making ourselves slaves for a spoiled child. Slaves, competing for her favor!
It was the last time that I was going to let a child make my day miserable. The child was transferred to the arms of her mother at the indulgent “Oh she wants to come to her mama, poor little Mimi.” To put it mildly, my pride was hurt; and I was about to resign right then, Instead I produced one concise statement. ‘You’re really making it hard for me, Mrs. Liliencrantz, in not cooperating with me.” I was surprisingly collected as I said It.
“’Oh, really,’ was the sententious reply. It was not until later that my lady sallied into the living room, her eyes confirming the irony in her words, ‘So you’re a first-rate disciplinarian, are you?’ She had misconstrued me entirely. The idea of acquiescing to a child’s every whim and caprice was what had annoyed me. As to disciplinary powers–the thought of such had never entered my mind. Mrs. Liliencrantz, not usually imperious, assumed all the airs of a superior for the remainder of the afternoon.
“I was indifferent to her manner. I worked exactly as I pleased, irrespective of consequences. At 5 o’clock, as I prepared the children’s cereal, I told her I wished to leave. She didn’t ask but I proceeded to make an explanation. “Francora,” I told her, “is the first child not to appreciate my care and companionship. It’s impossible for me to work with any enthusiasm or interest when a child openly dislikes me. Anyway I feel the work you require is a little too strenuous for a girl just seventeen.”
“Mrs. Liliencrantz made no allusion to the last clause. ‘As to Francora,’ she confided, ‘I believe you’re mistaken. With the exception of one girl Francora likes you better than any girl I ever had.’
“This eulogy, if It could be called such, appealed to my pride in spite of my ostensible apathy. It looked as if she were a bit sorry that I wished to leave. Of course I wanted her to be–human nature!
“’If you were to pay for all the things you have broken, I don’t believe you’d have a cent coming to you,’ Mrs. Liliencrantz triumphed. She was exaggerating tremendously, but I did feel guilty. I had broken a number of little things, and the exasperation lay in the fact I am not naturally “one to break things” (ask my mother).
“’Well,’ I confessed, ‘I have—‘ but the door was banged in my face, so I thought the rest and a little more. When Mrs. Liliencrantz emerged from the bedroom dressed to go out, her entire manner was changed. I was giving Tee Tee her bottle and she came to me and in a calm, complacent voice said, ‘You will be sweet to my babies, anyway, won’t you, Erna?’ And then with a trace of emotion, ‘I know you always are.’
“’Oh, yes,’ I reassured her. It was then that I caught a glint in her eyes that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Not of anger, disdain, or mistrust, but of confidence.
“I led little Mimi to the window a moment later to wave bye bye to her mother and I waved too. I never waved before.
“After the children were fed, Francora hopped into her little bed and asked me the question that she loved to ask so often. “What makes it get dark?” I tucked both babies in their little beds and left the room. I gazed vacantly out of the window for a while, scanned a periodical, and then commenced to do the dishes.”
old spirituals 